my story- part 1

the first part of my story begins in the spring of 2005. i had just started college that fall before and went through young life's college program to determine if i wanted to be a leader for high school kids (visit www.younglife.org for more information)

the next semester, around february, i got the phone call i had been waiting for. i had already interviewed to be a leader and was awaiting placement at one of the 15 or so area high schools. much to my surprise, i was placed on the urban YL team. i had met paula before, she was the only girl on the urban team, but the thought of being placed with her didn't cross my mind. 

at first i was disappointed, then excited, then really scared (especially when i told my parents). i grew up in a durham, nc, known for it's high gang rates and went to a middle school where being white was a minority. this probably went into account during my placement, so i wasn't going into this blindly, to say. 

on my first day, paula drove me through our area of town to pick up girls for a sleepover she was having. i remember thinking "please don't stop, just keep driving" because this was the part of town i had never been before and especially did not want to get out of the car. but she did. and i got out. and it wasn't that bad. 

eventually, over the next few weeks, i got to spend time in inner city raleigh with some pretty hard middle and high school girls. we had meetings once a week and royce (our director) threw me right in. he had me picking up kids and taking them home from club, doing silly skits and making myself "a fool for Christ" as he would say. 

it was hard, really hard. the girls didn't respond well to my skits, didn't want to hang out, made jokes about the color of my skin, and didn't want to hear anything i had to say about Jesus. a lot of nights i went home crying. but in that time, i saw God in a completely new light. He took my out of my white, Christian bubble and i saw His heart for the poor and less fortunate.

i remember the first time i was invited inside the home of one of my girls who lived in government housing. i walked in and her mom was smoking weed, i pretended not to notice. she showed me her bedroom and i had to keep talking to keep my mind off the fact that she didn't have a bed. i had to pretend it was normal to sleep on just a mattress on the floor, but for her, that was normal. i had no idea that kids in america lived like this and didn't expect any different. i was sad, outraged, but mostly embarrassed for thinking that I didn't have enough.

i wanted to just give them money, to buy her a bed, but i knew that wouldn't solve the problem. i still struggle with how we are supposed to end poverty in America. i never met a single father of any of the kids i knew, most of the mothers were on welfare and didn't work and didn't want to work. i say this, but i know that there are legitimate struggling people out there who work 2-3 jobs, but just can't get out of their economic rut. for the most part though, the expectation to pay for things landed on my shoulders. my girls would ask to hang out at the public pool (a $2 fee) and i would tell them to bring their money, but when we got there they all just looked at me and expected me to pay. how do you have a servants heart without becoming a door mat? i learned to stop being a pushover and had to say no in order for them to respect me. if they can't respect me, why would they ever want to hear what i had to say about Jesus?

in the summers we took all the kids to urban camp and there, they got to hear from speakers that were geared toward them. they heard about their sin, about their need for redemption, and about the cross where Jesus paid our penalty. i didn't see a lot of fruit; my girls just weren't interested in God- they were more interested in the cute boys at camp. this frustrated me a lot, i spent a lot of time on my knees praying for them.

for several reasons, i only stayed with YL for about a year and half. I continued my work in inner city raleigh through the YMCA for the rest of my college career, but this story will continue in part 2.

here are some pics from my time during urban young life: