Tree Trimming

"Be killing sin or it will be killing you." -John Owen

Two weeks ago a Category 5 hurricane ripped through my city. Her name was Irma and she was ruthless. While we prepared as best we could, there is only so much you can do when the storm is overhead except pray your roof doesn't fly off. My roommates and I hunkered down with flashlights and snacks assuming the power would go out (it didn't, praise the Lord!) and watched Disney movies and did puzzles to keep us distracted from the 100+ MPH winds howling outside. I eventually fell asleep and woke up to the tail end of Irma around 6 A.M. Once the winds died down, we were able to survey the damage. We opened the door of the house we'd been sequestered in for 2 days and the sight was surprisingly reassuring. Our neighborhood was relatively unscathed, but once we were able to drive to survey the rest of Orlando, a much different story unfolded. As we drove around we saw massive oak trees uprooted and on top of houses. Debris was everywhere and many places were flooded. Our streets were littered with roof shingles like it was confetti. 

For the next week we spent a lot of time cleaning up our city. I was lucky to be able to serve my friends and neighbors who had much more extensive damage than I did. As I surveyed the city, I was in awe of the power needed to uproot these massive trees and snap them in half like toothpicks.

cleaning up at our friends house

even Disney didn't escape the wrath of Irma!

In reGROUP we use the imagery of a tree to describe our behaviors, emotions, thoughts, and beliefs. The branches represent our behaviors, the trunk our emotions, and the roots are our thoughts/beliefs (the soil represents our environment). I love this imagery because it helps me visualize as I continue down this path of sanctification to become more like Jesus.

As I navigate through my story, first I identify the behaviors that are sabotaging and stealing the joy in my life. These are behaviors that either hurt me, other people, and/or God. In my life some of the behaviors I see in my "forest" are withdrawal, isolation, binge eating, self-hatred, criticism, escapism through books and TV, and self-sufficiency to name a few. When I first began this process I started by trimming back the branches through sobriety, which meant either abstaining from something or intentionally leaning into something (acting out and acting in so to speak). 

While the trimming was painful and I came away with many scrapes and bruises, it cleared the way for me to start to see the trunk. When I first started the forest was so overgrown I wasn't really sure where one tree started and one tree ended. It was overwhelming and honestly I think that kept me from starting the process sooner. But as I began trimming and the trunk(s) came into view, I was able to see and articulate the emotions underneath my behaviors. When I was overwhelmed, I turned to food. When I felt unsafe, I would withdraw. When I felt disconnected, I got lost in books. 

Deeper and deeper into the process, the trunk got shorter and shorter until finally I was able to kick it over and start to pull up the roots. These roots are the life source and cause of my emotions and ultimately the behaviors that were destroying my life. Because I believed I was unworthy of love and affection, I felt discouraged, and then I turned to food to numb the pain and loneliness. But once I identified the false belief, I was able to then use God's Word to preach the truth to myself. I am worthy of love and affection because I'm the daughter of the Most High King! The more I practice this process of cutting trees down and the forest clears, the easier it gets to identify false beliefs and just go straight to the root source without really having to prune first. Sometimes I get a burst of energy and come in like a hurricane just like Irma. I know I have to be killing sin or it will be killing me. To be honest, I probably rely on my own strength too much, but eventually I grow weary and Jesus gently reminds me that He is there with me and is the power source I need to continue on. Irma is but a gentle breeze compared to His power. And His power is made perfect in my weakness!

Now that the land of my heart is clearer, I'm able to replant in God's truth and the fruit of my trees is so sweet, life giving, and hopefully glorifying to God. While the forest is no where near being fully replanted, I am confident that He who began a good work in me will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus. And I am confident in that promise for you, too.