a thousand little decisions
I was standing in line at Chipotle today and these two ladies in front of me were glancing my way and whispering to each other. I looked up and we caught eyes and one said "Sorry, we were just talking about how great you look and that you must work out". "Yeah," replied her friend, "I bet you got a 6-pack under your shirt!" Laughing, I said "yeah, I actually just came from the gym, thank you, I appreciate that!"
About 6 grueling minutes later, when I was finally ordering my burrito bowl (so worth the wait!), the lady commented again at my food choices (she got double portions and extra everything on her bowl...meanwhile I had brown rice, chicken, and veggies, no cheese or sour cream). I told her that I had recently lost over 50 pounds and still have to work to maintain my size, but that it's a lifestyle I'm unwilling to let go of. She of course didn't believe me, so I had to get out pictures to prove it. She was in disbelief and kept hitting me saying "No way!"; I just laughed and said it was true, that God had brought me a long way. She turned to her friend and told her that I used to be almost 200 pounds and her friend walked over and gave me a big hug. It was the sweetest gesture and that interaction with complete strangers made my day!
I get nice comments and compliments pretty often now. At first it was really hard for me to accept them and I didn't know what to do or say. I felt awkward and uncoordinated...."I don't know what to do with my hands!" Now I can confidently smile and say "thank you so much" and tell them about Jesus' work in my life. I'm getting more familiar with the attention from guys; all the glances, the "good morning"s and "have a nice day"s that I never used to hear, and getting asked out on dates. It's a new learning curve for me and I'm still struggling to stay in the lines.
But I've been thinking about life in the past year. People that I meet now or tell my story to always want to know how I did it. They want to know how long it took me, how hard it was, did I have to give up all good foods, do I live at the gym, or did I just take some magical pill? They all are asking the same thing: how can I do it without really putting in any effort? I wish I could tell you that it's possible that way, but it just isn't. My transformation was not easy. In fact, it was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. I changed everything about my lifestyle in order to pursue discipline and freedom. It wasn't just one decision or choice, it was a thousand little choices along the way. You've probably seen or heard this quote before:
It's so true though! Each day I had hundreds of steps to take and I had to decide in each of those moments if I was going to move forward towards freedom or backwards toward slavery. (spoiler alert: I don't always choose to move forward!). Some of the questions I ask myself still today are:
Am I going to the gym today? Should I pack clothes just in case I change my mind?
What food should I pack to take to work so I don't binge out later?
Should I get cheese on my burrito bowl or skip it?
Should I buy these baked chips because they're BOGO and they taste amazing or skip it because they could be a trigger for me?
Should I have a sweet potato for 3 points or save my points for non-fat ice cream later?
Do I really need to finish what's on my plate if I'm full or can I save it for later?
Do I need to eat all my points if I'm not hungry?
Am I feeding an emotion right now?
How can I set myself up for success at the potluck tonight? What could I bring to share that's healthy?
I made poor food decisions at breakfast, should I continue on the trend backwards or start fresh at lunch?
How can I enjoy this social event without food in the equation?
Some decisions are much clearer than others, some take some serious thought and prayer. And that is where I have met God and wrestled with Him many times! But those interactions with God, while sometimes painful, were still interactions with the Holy and Living God. I'm still blown away that the God of the universe loves me enough to walk with me through these seemingly trivial questions because He knows that freedom is on the other side of the answer. He is so patient with me! I am totally undeserving of His love and mercy, but oh, am I thankful for it!
I'm also thankful for you, sweet friends, and I love hearing from you! Send me a message and let me know how you're doing and how I can be praying for you!
"The LORD is my portion,” says my soul, “therefore I will hope in him.” -Lamentations 3:24
P.S. I like to leave myself little notes around my food areas so that when I need to make one of those decisions, I'll have a little extra guidance and the lies of the enemy would be drowned out by truth. This is from Romans 8:37 and reminds me that through Jesus, I am more than a conqueror over food. Christ has already won the battle!
About 6 grueling minutes later, when I was finally ordering my burrito bowl (so worth the wait!), the lady commented again at my food choices (she got double portions and extra everything on her bowl...meanwhile I had brown rice, chicken, and veggies, no cheese or sour cream). I told her that I had recently lost over 50 pounds and still have to work to maintain my size, but that it's a lifestyle I'm unwilling to let go of. She of course didn't believe me, so I had to get out pictures to prove it. She was in disbelief and kept hitting me saying "No way!"; I just laughed and said it was true, that God had brought me a long way. She turned to her friend and told her that I used to be almost 200 pounds and her friend walked over and gave me a big hug. It was the sweetest gesture and that interaction with complete strangers made my day!
I get nice comments and compliments pretty often now. At first it was really hard for me to accept them and I didn't know what to do or say. I felt awkward and uncoordinated...."I don't know what to do with my hands!" Now I can confidently smile and say "thank you so much" and tell them about Jesus' work in my life. I'm getting more familiar with the attention from guys; all the glances, the "good morning"s and "have a nice day"s that I never used to hear, and getting asked out on dates. It's a new learning curve for me and I'm still struggling to stay in the lines.
But I've been thinking about life in the past year. People that I meet now or tell my story to always want to know how I did it. They want to know how long it took me, how hard it was, did I have to give up all good foods, do I live at the gym, or did I just take some magical pill? They all are asking the same thing: how can I do it without really putting in any effort? I wish I could tell you that it's possible that way, but it just isn't. My transformation was not easy. In fact, it was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. I changed everything about my lifestyle in order to pursue discipline and freedom. It wasn't just one decision or choice, it was a thousand little choices along the way. You've probably seen or heard this quote before:
It's so true though! Each day I had hundreds of steps to take and I had to decide in each of those moments if I was going to move forward towards freedom or backwards toward slavery. (spoiler alert: I don't always choose to move forward!). Some of the questions I ask myself still today are:
Am I going to the gym today? Should I pack clothes just in case I change my mind?
What food should I pack to take to work so I don't binge out later?
Should I get cheese on my burrito bowl or skip it?
Should I buy these baked chips because they're BOGO and they taste amazing or skip it because they could be a trigger for me?
Should I have a sweet potato for 3 points or save my points for non-fat ice cream later?
Do I really need to finish what's on my plate if I'm full or can I save it for later?
Do I need to eat all my points if I'm not hungry?
Am I feeding an emotion right now?
How can I set myself up for success at the potluck tonight? What could I bring to share that's healthy?
I made poor food decisions at breakfast, should I continue on the trend backwards or start fresh at lunch?
How can I enjoy this social event without food in the equation?
Some decisions are much clearer than others, some take some serious thought and prayer. And that is where I have met God and wrestled with Him many times! But those interactions with God, while sometimes painful, were still interactions with the Holy and Living God. I'm still blown away that the God of the universe loves me enough to walk with me through these seemingly trivial questions because He knows that freedom is on the other side of the answer. He is so patient with me! I am totally undeserving of His love and mercy, but oh, am I thankful for it!
I'm also thankful for you, sweet friends, and I love hearing from you! Send me a message and let me know how you're doing and how I can be praying for you!
"The LORD is my portion,” says my soul, “therefore I will hope in him.” -Lamentations 3:24
P.S. I like to leave myself little notes around my food areas so that when I need to make one of those decisions, I'll have a little extra guidance and the lies of the enemy would be drowned out by truth. This is from Romans 8:37 and reminds me that through Jesus, I am more than a conqueror over food. Christ has already won the battle!
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