#7: Calling
The past 4 years have been really, really hard for me. I'll try to be an concise as possible :)
Basically, my plan after graduation (2009) was to go for 2 years to India as a missionary. In college I didn't really network or join any zoo clubs b/c I figured I'd always be a missionary. So I was scheduled to start training August 2009 and would leave after that. Around June I found out that because of the recession 700 jobs would be cut. Naturally I was on that list, but they just had to push back my training to January 2010. I was a little upset and didn't know what I would do for the fall. I was living at home and all of my friends were getting married, going overseas, going back to school, or moving. I ended up getting an internship at the Carolina Tiger Rescue Center as an Animal Care intern and then in October found out my January training date was pushed back until May.
At this point I had been praying if I was still being "called" to go overseas and felt that the Lord was shutting this door for me. It was such a hard thing for me to accept b/c I had basically been planning my whole life around it (and why would God not someone to be a missionary?? I mean, come on!). So I began searching for jobs as a zoo keeper with no luck and ended up getting a paid internship with Young Life at one of their camps in Colorado for 4 months. It wasn't what I wanted to do, but I needed money and thought it would be fun. Those 4 months were hard as I struggled with expectations (with God, with other people) and regret that I was not very Christ-like in my words or actions. I was so bitter that I wasn't overseas, nor was I married, nor in a career, nor grad school....I felt like all the natural paths I should be taking were 1000 miles away.
I hadn't given up on ministry though. My pastor at home had always encouraged us to give at least a year or 2 to ministry unless we were called elsewhere. Since I obviously had no calling, I applied to intern with Campus Crusade for Christ and originally applied to go overseas again (Argentina, India, or China), but at the last minute decided to go with urban ministry here in the US (this story will be a separate post).
So I spent 3 months after Colorado raising support and reported to Chicago in September 2010 with great expectations. But alas, as the trend continues...I hated it and was bitter God would send me there. God used that time in many ways to teach me things that I am now thankful for. But until January or so I really felt like I made a huge mistake. Luckily I was able to volunteer at the Shedd Aquarium in Chicago, which helped me get an internship later on. Spring of 2011 I really felt God was telling me that I needed to get a job in the zoo field. So I started applying for jobs with no avail. I couldn't figure out why God would call me to this field and not give me a job...it just didn't make sense. So I ended up as a nanny for a few months while I worked on my resume and continued to volunteer at Shedd. I eventually decided I needed another internship to gain my experience and in January 2012 started as an Marine Mammal intern at Shedd. Oh and guess what? I hated it. (I have a problem with expectations that I'm still working on) But I did learn that I really like public education and did an awesome project on seafood sustainability!
So I moved back home August 2012 to look for more jobs with the notion that since I had 2 internships under my belt and an awesome degree, I was surely going to find a job. Nope. I spent my days babysitting and writing cover letters. I also started volunteering at the Duke Lemur Center thinking that would help me out, but still nothing.
At this point I decided I really needed to talk to someone and started going to counseling through my church. I had to figure out this expectation and calling thing. I was sick of being in what I call my "post grad funk". I read "The Call" but Oz Guinness and was really challenged by it. I had to realize that my first calling is to Jesus and the Kingdom of God regardless of where I am or what I'm doing. I was looking for my success in my job title, not in being a daughter of the King. My priorities were shifted and my expectations were in the wrong place, so of course I was let down and bitter!!
Oz also talked about second callings (or your job) and that some people never are called to anything in particular. I feel lucky that God over the past few years has reaffirmed that I am supposed to be in the zoo/aquarium field to be a light there. I am so thankful to God for providing me this new job at SeaWorld and covet your prayers as I seek to build relationships with my co-workers. But I also pray that if I am fired tomorrow and have to go back to being a nanny that I will use that or any other job to build the Kingdom of God :)
"Calling is the truth that God calls us to Himself so decisively that everything we are, everything we do, and everything we have is invested with a special devotion, dynamism, and direction lived out as a response to his summons and service."
"The greatest competitor of devotion to Jesus is service for Him...The one aim of the call of God is the satisfaction of God, not a call to do something for Him".
Basically, my plan after graduation (2009) was to go for 2 years to India as a missionary. In college I didn't really network or join any zoo clubs b/c I figured I'd always be a missionary. So I was scheduled to start training August 2009 and would leave after that. Around June I found out that because of the recession 700 jobs would be cut. Naturally I was on that list, but they just had to push back my training to January 2010. I was a little upset and didn't know what I would do for the fall. I was living at home and all of my friends were getting married, going overseas, going back to school, or moving. I ended up getting an internship at the Carolina Tiger Rescue Center as an Animal Care intern and then in October found out my January training date was pushed back until May.
At this point I had been praying if I was still being "called" to go overseas and felt that the Lord was shutting this door for me. It was such a hard thing for me to accept b/c I had basically been planning my whole life around it (and why would God not someone to be a missionary?? I mean, come on!). So I began searching for jobs as a zoo keeper with no luck and ended up getting a paid internship with Young Life at one of their camps in Colorado for 4 months. It wasn't what I wanted to do, but I needed money and thought it would be fun. Those 4 months were hard as I struggled with expectations (with God, with other people) and regret that I was not very Christ-like in my words or actions. I was so bitter that I wasn't overseas, nor was I married, nor in a career, nor grad school....I felt like all the natural paths I should be taking were 1000 miles away.
I hadn't given up on ministry though. My pastor at home had always encouraged us to give at least a year or 2 to ministry unless we were called elsewhere. Since I obviously had no calling, I applied to intern with Campus Crusade for Christ and originally applied to go overseas again (Argentina, India, or China), but at the last minute decided to go with urban ministry here in the US (this story will be a separate post).
So I spent 3 months after Colorado raising support and reported to Chicago in September 2010 with great expectations. But alas, as the trend continues...I hated it and was bitter God would send me there. God used that time in many ways to teach me things that I am now thankful for. But until January or so I really felt like I made a huge mistake. Luckily I was able to volunteer at the Shedd Aquarium in Chicago, which helped me get an internship later on. Spring of 2011 I really felt God was telling me that I needed to get a job in the zoo field. So I started applying for jobs with no avail. I couldn't figure out why God would call me to this field and not give me a job...it just didn't make sense. So I ended up as a nanny for a few months while I worked on my resume and continued to volunteer at Shedd. I eventually decided I needed another internship to gain my experience and in January 2012 started as an Marine Mammal intern at Shedd. Oh and guess what? I hated it. (I have a problem with expectations that I'm still working on) But I did learn that I really like public education and did an awesome project on seafood sustainability!
So I moved back home August 2012 to look for more jobs with the notion that since I had 2 internships under my belt and an awesome degree, I was surely going to find a job. Nope. I spent my days babysitting and writing cover letters. I also started volunteering at the Duke Lemur Center thinking that would help me out, but still nothing.
At this point I decided I really needed to talk to someone and started going to counseling through my church. I had to figure out this expectation and calling thing. I was sick of being in what I call my "post grad funk". I read "The Call" but Oz Guinness and was really challenged by it. I had to realize that my first calling is to Jesus and the Kingdom of God regardless of where I am or what I'm doing. I was looking for my success in my job title, not in being a daughter of the King. My priorities were shifted and my expectations were in the wrong place, so of course I was let down and bitter!!
Oz also talked about second callings (or your job) and that some people never are called to anything in particular. I feel lucky that God over the past few years has reaffirmed that I am supposed to be in the zoo/aquarium field to be a light there. I am so thankful to God for providing me this new job at SeaWorld and covet your prayers as I seek to build relationships with my co-workers. But I also pray that if I am fired tomorrow and have to go back to being a nanny that I will use that or any other job to build the Kingdom of God :)
"Calling is the truth that God calls us to Himself so decisively that everything we are, everything we do, and everything we have is invested with a special devotion, dynamism, and direction lived out as a response to his summons and service."
"The greatest competitor of devotion to Jesus is service for Him...The one aim of the call of God is the satisfaction of God, not a call to do something for Him".
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