Food as a drug
Meth.
Smack.
Molly.
Reef.
Sugar Cookies.
Which one of these doesn't belong?
Trick question! They're all drugs! Okay, I know it's a little extreme and I don't want anyone who struggles with substance abuse to think I'm minimizing you or your dependency. Each of these drugs have different effects and different consequences, but their goal is ultimately the same: help me escape the crappy place I'm in now. Right? They provide some sort of relief to the user, regardless of how that drug is taken.
That's exactly what food did for me. And to be honest, it sometimes still does. I'm still on this journey and still struggle. But I have better tools in my tool belt and am more prepared for what God gives me :)
I don't know why food provides an escape for me. I can't pin point it back to any certain time, event, or place. But I would always have these sort of rendezvous with meals; I would plan and dream these elaborate meals and my thoughts would be consumed by it. I woke up dreaming of breakfast; then after breakfast I dreamed of lunch; then after lunch, dinner. You get the point. My world revolved around food and what I was going to eat. And each meal was a temporary relief from the chaos of my life; I didn't have to think about what I needed to do...or should do...or couldn't do. It didn't matter about unmet expectations because thisfettuccinealfredoisthebombandimnotsharing.
Food allowed me to avoid my feelings, even the good ones. Whenever I felt discomfort, pain, boredom, loneliness, anger, fear, joy, frustration, etc, I ate. I never learned how to sit in my emotions until recently. It's terrifying! Apparently most people learn to identify their feelings and wrestle through them at an early age. I somehow missed that. I literally have to look at a feelings wheel to figure out how I'm feeling. The thing that I'm learning though is that feelings are ultimately good: they are like the lights on our car's dashboard and tell us what's wrong. We can't fix what we don't know is broken. So I guess I avoided feelings because I didn't want to admit that I was broken, nor did I want to work on getting better. But getting better is worth the temporary discomfort.
My friend Kailey defines addiction as "the compulsive use of anything for the sake of comfort or escape that is ultimately harmful to God, yourself, or other people."
I really like that definition because it is all encompassing. I'm learning that addiction can look like many different things and not just like the strung out junkie on "Intervention". It can look like the mom reading fantasy novels after her kids are asleep, or the twenty something who is $20,000 in debt from online shopping, or like me...eating an entire carton of ice cream in one sitting without even realizing it.
So the questions I ask myself now are:
And in case you wondered what a feelings wheel is..here is the one I use and here is a link to download it :)
Smack.
Molly.
Reef.
Sugar Cookies.
Which one of these doesn't belong?
Trick question! They're all drugs! Okay, I know it's a little extreme and I don't want anyone who struggles with substance abuse to think I'm minimizing you or your dependency. Each of these drugs have different effects and different consequences, but their goal is ultimately the same: help me escape the crappy place I'm in now. Right? They provide some sort of relief to the user, regardless of how that drug is taken.
That's exactly what food did for me. And to be honest, it sometimes still does. I'm still on this journey and still struggle. But I have better tools in my tool belt and am more prepared for what God gives me :)
I don't know why food provides an escape for me. I can't pin point it back to any certain time, event, or place. But I would always have these sort of rendezvous with meals; I would plan and dream these elaborate meals and my thoughts would be consumed by it. I woke up dreaming of breakfast; then after breakfast I dreamed of lunch; then after lunch, dinner. You get the point. My world revolved around food and what I was going to eat. And each meal was a temporary relief from the chaos of my life; I didn't have to think about what I needed to do...or should do...or couldn't do. It didn't matter about unmet expectations because thisfettuccinealfredoisthebombandimnotsharing.
Food allowed me to avoid my feelings, even the good ones. Whenever I felt discomfort, pain, boredom, loneliness, anger, fear, joy, frustration, etc, I ate. I never learned how to sit in my emotions until recently. It's terrifying! Apparently most people learn to identify their feelings and wrestle through them at an early age. I somehow missed that. I literally have to look at a feelings wheel to figure out how I'm feeling. The thing that I'm learning though is that feelings are ultimately good: they are like the lights on our car's dashboard and tell us what's wrong. We can't fix what we don't know is broken. So I guess I avoided feelings because I didn't want to admit that I was broken, nor did I want to work on getting better. But getting better is worth the temporary discomfort.
My friend Kailey defines addiction as "the compulsive use of anything for the sake of comfort or escape that is ultimately harmful to God, yourself, or other people."
I really like that definition because it is all encompassing. I'm learning that addiction can look like many different things and not just like the strung out junkie on "Intervention". It can look like the mom reading fantasy novels after her kids are asleep, or the twenty something who is $20,000 in debt from online shopping, or like me...eating an entire carton of ice cream in one sitting without even realizing it.
So the questions I ask myself now are:
- What are you feeding? Is it physical hunger or emotional hunger?
- If emotional hunger, what are you feeling? What triggered it? What is the best thing for you to do now instead of eating?
- Is this (particular food) worth the points/calories?
And in case you wondered what a feelings wheel is..here is the one I use and here is a link to download it :)
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