reGROUP & accountability

If it's Monday night, you'll most likely find me at reGROUP. It's probably my favorite part of the week. I first heard about reGROUP in December of 2014 when a friend invited me to Summit Church one Sunday and they plugged the ministry to the congregation. As soon as I heard what it was, I knew I needed to be there. reGROUP is a recovery ministry; a community focused on helping people heal from their hurts, habits, and hang-ups. It is a safe place for people to wrestle through their dependencies that have kept them from knowing God better- from substance abuse, to retail therapy, to Netflix binging, to eating disorders, to perfectionism, etc. The scope is broad and all are welcome. It is set up very similar to other 12-step programs, but the focus is on your story in the context of God's bigger story. I had a lot of habits and hangups that were reeking havoc on my life and I was in a downward spiral and picking up speed. I knew I needed help and reGROUP came at just the right time. I thank God for His sovereignty.

My first meeting was terrifying. I thought "there's no way anyone is a big of a sinner as I am and they're going to run once they find out". The opposite happened. I sat in a room full of broken women who's stories were exactly like mine- riddled with shame, guilt, and dependencies on things that were filled with empty promises of security and comfort. For the first time in years, I felt safe to be myself without fear of judgement. I introduced myself and told them the areas of my life that were out of control. My favorite part of sharing in reGROUP is that you're not allowed to cross talk, which means you can't respond to what someone says or shares including touching them. That meant I could share my struggles and there wasn't someone to immediately offer a book to read, a sermon to watch, a counselor to see. I've been a believer for over a decade; I know every verse, book, and sermon on the topics and it clearly hasn't helped. I've been in counseling on and off for years; self-evaluation is not a new thing for me. But if one more person had quoted to me Philippians 4:6-7 when I told them I struggled with anxiety, I was probably going to punch them. That quiet after sharing meant I had to sit in the tension and wrestle through my feelings instead of avoid them like I usually do. It takes some getting used to, but I love seeing the Holy Spirit work in those quiet moments after each woman shares. That's where the work starts to happen.

I mentioned before that part of the process is maintaining sobriety from your dependencies. That meant once you named and claimed the issues in your life you had to allow room for God to start working. Sobriety sucks; I'm not going to lie. You're taking away the thing (or things) that was helping you cope, and now you feel untethered and floating around in space with nothing to do but feel your emotions- it's terrifying!! But those first 3 months were some of the rawest times in my life and also the most sanctifying. I'm pretty sure I grew more spiritually during that time than I had the previous 5 years. Because at that point the only thing you have to cling to is Jesus because His grace is the only thing going to get you through the next day. I didn't understand grace until I couldn't survive a day without it. My walk with Jesus is so much sweeter now.

Each week during check-ins you say your name, your dependencies (or name-it-and-claim-it as we call it), and how many days you've been sober. To be honest a lot of the time my people pleasing tendencies were what kept me sober and not some uber spiritualness. I didn't find freedom because I read my bible more than anyone else or memorized more scripture. I just knew I had to check-in on Monday and that fear of saying "I relapsed" was terrifying. I think God met me there, however, and used that anyways. And that's why accountability is so important. It is sooooo easy to relapse and backslide in whatever area you're trying to find freedom in if no one is there to help you out. We are the body of Christ and we were not created to be islands. James 5:16 says "Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed". There is something incredible vulnerable and intimate about confession with the body of Christ. It allows people to enter into your story and walk beside you and wrestle with you- it is a beautiful thing.

James 5 continues in verses 19 and 20 saying "My brothers, if anyone among you wanders from the truth and someone brings him back, let him know that whoever brings back a sinner from his wandering will save his soul from death and will cover a multitude of sins". 

Accountability makes all the difference. How many times have you promised yourself something or started a New Years resolution, only to fail a few days, weeks, or months later? Did you tell anyone about your failure? I'm guessing probably not because that's terrifying- you have to admit your weakness...and no one wants to do that! You probably just quietly went on with life and hoped that no one noticed, right? I've been there a million times. But when you have a community of people who are unwilling to let you continue in those patterns, even when you do relapse, it is a beautiful thing. You have to be honest with yourself, God, and others about your story if you want healing. 

I've been on a diet/trying to not binge eat since probably 6th grade. I would have small moments of resolve that were quickly squashed whenever a strong emotion (joy, fear, anger, sadness) presented itself. Food is a great numbing agent...but it comes with a lot of consequences. This time around was so different though because this time I agreed to deal with those emotions head on. I finished reGROUP in August 2015 and have been leading since then. Even as a leader I still check-in every week for not only myself, but also to encourage the other girls that long term sobriety is possible! So I started this process with food binging as a leader, but also in some ways as a participant. Knowing I had to check-in every week was still a little scary because I felt even more self-imposed pressure to maintain perfect sobriety as I had done in the past. Again, I think God met me there and used even those perfectionist tendencies for my freedom and His glory. I am constantly growing and evolving and becoming more like Christ through this process, but I still have so far to go. 

My encouragement to you is this: if you're trying to find freedom from some dependency in your life- find accountability. Find people in your life, whether in a 12-step group or a bible study, whether strangers or dear friends. Be completely honest, don't hold anything back, and allow them to enter into your story with you. It's terrifying, any intimacy is, but it's so worth it. I guarantee you are not alone in the things you struggle with, I don't care how long you've been a Christian. There will be someone who has the same struggle, but is terrified to share it because they think they're alone, too. You are not alone! Bring it to light! Satan wants nothing more than to keep those sins a secret and deepen that shame. Don't give him an ounce of ammunition. 

If you're in the Orlando area, please join me tomorrow at 7pm at Summit Church.

If you're not in Orlando, here are some national programs you might like:

• Celebrate Recovery
• Overeaters Anonymous
• Sexaholics Anonymous
• Alcoholics Anonymous 
• Narcotics Anonymous

For a more exhaustive list of recovery groups, check out this website

Again, I'd love to hear from you! Be encouraged dear friends! The battle has already been won!

my reGROUP graduation (and gold coin!)